Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
