I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
