Only a mothe r could love this liver
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
