Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
