On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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