It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
