I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
