Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
