You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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