no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
