those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
