Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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