TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
