Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need to calm my uterus...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
