used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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