I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
