The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
