Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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