actually, I'm a sock model
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
