the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
