I wish my penis had an off switch
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just found puke in my bra..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
