whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
