If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
