I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
