there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
