College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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