I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
