tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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