theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
