Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
