so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
