____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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