I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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