but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
