you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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