Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
