oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize
