Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
