Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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