She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
