My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
