Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
