Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
