You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
