I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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