i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
