btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
