community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
