Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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