I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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