Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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