No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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