she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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